How to Resume Your Sex Life After the First Child

The puerperium period arising from childbirth until the general condition of the woman return to conditions prior to pregnancy, requires a lot of the new mother. The baby is dependent mainly on her until 6 months of age and requires much care. In addition, life is reorganizing around with a new Member in the family of breastfeeding (exclusive until six months, as recommended to the World Health Organization and the Ministry of health) involves turning himself to creates, changes in the woman’s body may be shocking, the hormones are completely changed depending on the child, the social pressure to account of caring for a baby , breastfeeding, taking care of the house (Yes, mostly, the care of the house are still relegated to the mother that has freshly Calved, amazingly) and still take care of herself as if life would follow the same course. And, to top it off, the pressure of having the sexual life unchanged.

According to Lígia Baruch de Figueiredo (SP), a clinical psychologist and researcher of contemporary themes (including sexuality) and a master’s degree in psychology from PUC-SP, “the arrival of the first child is a drastic change, as it inaugurates a new experience for the couple. They become parents and with that comes the tension, the responsibility, the lack of time, sleepless nights. The antithesis of pleasure that requires time, energy and insouciance. Not to mention the hormonal change, which in the case of women, especially at the stage of breastfeeding, which naturally turn to the care of offspring. But this phase can also affect some men who go to see the woman more maternal and less sexualized. ”

Understand That You Will Never be the Same

To Maíra Suarez, Gael’s mother, one year and five months, the essential thing is whether to allow change. “My puerperium was punk. Gael has always been a baby who fought not to sleep, wake up several times in the morning, so I live exhausted, powerless. Until the ninth month of Gael I did not have any lubrication, it looked like it had gone back to being a Virgin. With nine months of Gael, the lubrication back a little and the desire, too, before that sex happens rarely. In addition to the improvement of the puerperium, his sleep has improved and I have created a group on Facebook for women sex talk about, without any shame. This group has rekindled the flame that existed in me as far as was possible, was one of the best things that ever happened to me, but I haven’t had this much excitement, because there was no menstruating and still breastfeed. When period, with a year and a month of the Gael, my libido has improved a bit, but still holding a super improvement, after my baby weaning. ”
n the case of Maíra, there were no fights between the couple because of the change in sexual routine, but by tiredness and a lack of patience. “Plus I want him to be more active. But he always did everything. We were too far apart, because of this weirdness. I came to cogitate out. I was tired. Very even. ” To Maíra, it is important to talk about everything. “Get out, walk around, meet people, mothers. Out much with baby in the sling. Let go a little and let the parent or other caregiver also take care of the baby. Divide tasks and baby care. If possible, outsource the care with the House in the early months. Rest whenever possible and seek to do an activity that gives you pleasure. ”
For Juliana Bertolini (SP), 36, Sapphire’s mother, eight months, it takes a lot of dialogue and a lot of information for men to understand the change that is for the woman and if inform even before delivery. “My (fellow) don’t, I end up pounding in his head, which I am a part of groups, which li etc.”. After a two-month relationship, she got pregnant and during pregnancy the sex changed. “I was exhausted and sore, we had few relationships. Then came the scare, I had severe preeclampsia, almost died in the process of childbirth, Sapphire came early that all trauma. I, 10 days of hospitalization, a month on prenatal hospitalization. I was destroyed emotionally. Well, we did have a relationship four months later. After seven months of it had happened twice. We play enough with the situation, we make fun, and keep warm. Touch, hug, Kiss. But you don’t have a full relationship.”

You Can’t Blame Baby

I believe that other forms of intimacy of the couple may alleviate the issue. Is a lot of patience and care with the mother, which sometimes feels more alone on behalf of breastfeeding and the short paternity leave in Brazil.”
It is important to change the perception in relation to sex. In addition to the libido, changed by postpartum hormones and breast feeding, the tiredness of the routine with the new baby and the moment the mother be more focused on the child, there is the fantasy (social) that “the sex has to be always something spontaneous and special”, according to Ligia. “When they become parents, these moments are very rare. You need to take care of, put on a time schedule for the couple out, have dinner, go to the cinema. If it is left to chance, typically the sexuality won’t be like it was before. We say that, with the arrival of the first child, the couple’s sex life has two possibilities: at best it goes down and then makes up as a U, at worst decreases till it’s over,” he adds.
“I was much more excited. But by tiredness, mainly for the times reversed, I wake up very early and he wakes up later, we had few opportunities. When we’re together, Arthur is awake, joking. We are returning gradually,” reports Carolina Vasconcellos (SP), 27, mother of Arthur, five months. After discovering that she is pregnant by surprise, without making plans, Carolina went through a peaceful gestation, but I had a little bleeding with 11 weeks and the hormones transformed (and a low libido), kept a few relationships during pregnancy. Now, takes up your sex life with partnership, tranquillity and, of course, love. “The first time (after birth) was shocking. I had natural childbirth, I thought it would be harder if I had natural childbirth. But why be c-section, I didn’t think I’d have difference. But there are. I think mainly by lack of lubrication that women have during the period of breastfeeding. So we have resumed gradually. Still not as.”
The problem arises when one of the spouses is not satisfied with the reduction of frequency and is resentful, believing that the baby was responsible for your loss. “And, so, the blame falls on the baby, and may create situations where the man asks the woman if she goes to the doctor to treat a lack of interest and collection, when the argument is “I can’t take it anymore, I’m climbing the walls.” According to Ligia, this type of behavior is very common. “It takes a lot of conversation, negotiation. Forced sex never works. Negotiation, patience and careful with each other are always important for the emotional health of the couple.”
The maternity wing calls for a suspension. The routine, the Customs and the lack of dialogue. You have to know to ask for help, know how to ask space and allow sharing the load. We must forget the watch, open awareness to communicate with your child and suspend, definitely, the lack of dialogue with your partner. You need to have a dialogue on sleep, breastfeeding, about the diapers (and, say, your filling), about pain, about care. You need to have a dialogue about the birth, which is a sexual event in the life of the couple. And we need to talk about sex. Can be with discharge with 15 days after delivery. Can be after the 40 days needed, if you have done a caesarean surgery, for example. It is important not to stick to the time. And, always, caught the idea of building this new relationship together.
Tips for Rediscovering Sex

  • Explore other seats in the house: you don’t have to have sex in your bedroom, especially if your baby is sleeping in there (no, don’t wake a sleeping baby, only a mother very sleepy will understand).
  • Talk to your partner. It is important to understand that there have been changes to the two sides.
  • Accept that your body has changed.Is natural childbirth, by c-section, either by breastfeeding, his body changed. Yes, you are still beautiful.
  • Book a time for you.The baby is very dependent on the mother over the first two years of life. Very much. Search for share the care of your child, try to book a time for you.
  • It is important to get a relationship of partnership and companionship. Don’t even think about “please” your partner about sex, sexual jokes. You were not made to please your partner, especially in the puerperium.

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